Friday, November 9, 2007
7:14 PM
I have learnt to accept that there are a lot of things that are beyond our control in this world. Our parents for one, the environment that we live in, our feelings, ... blah blah blah, you name it, the list goes on.
However much I wish that I can look at things optimistically, the events in my life, one after another, have been proving to me otherwise. Although I am able to recover and stand on my feet again and again, I wonder how long more I can hold on. I know that every obstacles pose as a challenge, and after every challenge, I will be stronger than before. But, what if the challenges become wilder and more difficult as well? It's like playing a role-playing game. The more beasts you beat, the higher your experience point and thus, your level. But as you continue your journey, the beasts and quests become more difficult and sometimes, can be beyond what your character is capable of handling.
I have no idea what is happening to me as well. I used to embrace challenges as I see them as opportunities to prove and improve myself. But, when feelings become a challenge, ...
I am especially weak when it comes to managing matters of my heart. Has anyone of you out there ever felt a sourness so strong that it engulfs your entire mind, keeps you awake in the night and causes you to lose concentration in whatever task you are doing? It also makes you seem so fragile, such that you have absolutely no control over your tears and at the very next moment, you could be laughing at a stupid joke but crying at the same time?
This feeling is beyond what words could describe.
You said that you hope everything could be the same as before. I understand that. I also hope that there would not be any changes in the way we interact. But who are we lying to? I can only promise that I will try to contain the number of changes that are going to take place to as minimum as it could be. There will be long pauses in the conversations. That will be the time when I am thinking about you. I do not blame anyone for this. I like you, that is a fact. Even though the feeling is not reciprocated, it will not cease to exist as well. That's me.
Scandalous- Delvetures
Thursday, November 8, 2007
12:32 PM
Well.. There is no particular reason y this post if focusing on this topic.. Its definitely not because of YOU.. ^_^
I looked up the meaning of love and according to wikipedia, it has a lot of meanings.. Well, there are many types of love - be if family, friends, or BGR...
I think there are 2 types of feelings that falls under the category of BGR -- Affection and Attachment.. Affection refers to feelings of tenderness and/or wanting physical closeness, where as Attachment refers to satisfying basic emotional needs.. Seeing the meaning of Affection makes me link to sex.. Dunno y.. maybe its because of the "wanting physical closeness".. For Attachment.. I think it refers to the feelings of the heart..
So.. I shall concentrate on Attachment.. Normally, guys woo girls.. Unless the girl likes you, you have to think of ways to gan dong her.. Once she is gan dong, u have succeeded.. When in love, both parties will show care and concern to each other.. I dunno how to describe the feeling coz its.. Unexplainable.. However, it does satisfy the basic emotional needs of a human being..
I think.. This is how much i can write now.. My brain is now blank.. Whatever that is squeeze out of my brain juice has no link with this topic..
Unscandalous - Gabby
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
10:02 PM
Well.. Just finished one game.. We won.. Against nubs.. May lose if he didnt play.. Oh well.. Waiting for the 2nd game now.. So, In the meantime.. WHY DUN I BLOG?
Today was, realli very tiring.. 4hrs straight of HCI IS TEDIOUS.. But well.. I still endured the torment.. Finally, lesson ends and we are free.. ALMOST.. For today, there was a workshop.. So we had to stay until 5pm.. During the break, we watched a performance which involved our classmate - Amante Nelkris Kate Navel(I tink like tat spell la).. It was.. Enjoyable watching the performance.. Esp got a quite chio girl.. But too skinny la..
Shall skip the details about lunch and go straight to the workshop.. Overall, it was SIANZ.. I was too tired to even concentrate when the lecturer is pretty.. Alright.. Shall play my 2nd game.. Finish with it.. Rest and wake up for soccer..
Quote of the days to come: Hao xin mei hao bao.. ^_^
Unscandalous - Gabby
2:32 PM
Commencement of the MST week has made me ill, both physically and mentally. Though the tests that came and went are kind of easy to me, I feel no sense of achievement at the end of the day.
Yes, that's partly because I am still trapped in my own predicament. Spending my time trying to overcome my fear has been futile. I just thought that somehow, I have started to look down on myself. The once brimming-with-confidence me has went missing.
Nevertheless, life has to go on and the Earth won't just stop revolving because of me. I will try to become more optimistic and find back my old self. I believe that once I have set my sight on doing something, especially matters involving myself only, nothing will be able to hinder me.
The path ahead is rocky. The sky is dark and a storm is brewing. I shall brace myself one last time and seek out the courage within me. I shall light up the flame and fight, man to thoughts, emotion to logic.
Humiliation and tears I will thus suffer. But there is one thing that is worse off than both combined. Something much more terrifying. Regret.
I want to minimize the number of regrets in my life. I can't speak for others but for me, I feel that regrets are things that will come back and haunt me for as long as I live. Furthermore, to make things worse, regrets are actually actions/choices that we could have done back then. So, live life without regrets.
Annihilator of fear, hesitancy and regret, I need you.
Scandalous- Delvetures
P.S.: There's an answer to a question somewhere.
1:10 AM
Damm tired.. Yesterday morning, I wasted 90 mins for nth.. From 4 till 5.30 am.. I was playing Winning Eleven 2008 on my PS2.. All was fine when there was 1 particular mission - "Individual Brilliance".. This mission is to have at least 1 player to dribble from 30m and then score a goal.. It took me.. 45 mins to do that.. When i completed the mission, i was feeling very.. Satisfy.. I had completed a very difficult mission(to me la).. The next mission was - "Penalty shootout".. I was thinking it should be quite first.. I will just try it once.. Be it win or lose, i would save the game and sleep.. Well.. After 10 kicks, i lost.. And to my horror.. THE GAME DIED ON ME.. And what i did before, went down the drain/ocean/river/sea. Was very depressed.. The feeling was like.. The only human living on Earth.. Total.. Sianness.. I almost committed suicide.. But the thought of something.. Made me carry on my life.. That SOMETHING.. Is..
THE CHANCE.. TO CHALLENGE THE MISSION AGAIN.. So i began to brace myself up.. Close the PS2/TV/Light.. And went to slp..
Funniest joke of the days to come: (I want to put it here but i dun dare.. Pm me and if im kind enough, i will tell u what it is)
Unscandalous - Gabby
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
12:26 AM
When u are happy, u smile.. When u are sad, u cry.. Feelings of humans are shown through facial expressions.. How true is this?.. To the viewers out there.. Recall how many times did u not show what u feel.. There are many reasons to this.. Maybe u are forced under some circumstances.. Or maybe.. U dun want anyone to worry about u.. So even if ur heart is broken into pieces.. U would still smile infront of your friends like nth has happened..
Leading to another issue.. I find that.. To suppress/hide ur true feelings.. Is VERY tough.. Especially when u are sad.. There are 2 scenarios that i can tink of.. 1st -- One will try to smile, joke around when he/she feels depressed.. Dun want to ying xiang his/her friends.. Thus, decided to hide his/her emoness.. 2nd -- You can no longer suppress ur feelings anymore.. Its too tiring for u.. And through ur facial expressions.. The people by ur side can see your emoness.. One heartbreaking phrase came out.. "DON'T ACT EMO LEH.. SIBEI ACT.. BTH".. Then, u decided to try harder to suppress ur feelings and smile back.. The latter 1 seems.. More xing ku.. U are in search of a comfort.. And what u receive is ppl applying salt on your wounds.. They may not be on purpose.. However, they hurt u more in the process..
Living up to the age of 18.. I think the reason of y ppl dun show their true feelings is because of the 2nd scenario.. I may be wrong.. Its.. Just my 2 cents.. Im still a kid.. Still growing and learning the ways of life.. ^^
Unscandalous - Gabby
Monday, November 5, 2007
10:54 PM
lalala~~ seems that my dear friend is emoing.. All i can say is.. GOOD LUCK!!
Nothing much happened today.. except that.. i was marked late when i wasnt.. Morning was nice.. Just a little tired(as usual de la).. Went off to meet alaric.. The usual chit chat about Dota and soccer.. Nothing interesting.. In between the chats.. I managed to CONVINCE him to pei me go canteen buy food.. Was damn hungry la.. So.. When we reached tp we headed to the canteen.. Well, it was like onli 12.02 so i thought we werent not late.. I went to buy a hashbrown and alaric bought a fish fillet.. And happily we ate the food.. Made our way to the 8th floor.. It was 12.09.. Open the door of the lab.. Jitao got 1 voice -- "Both of you are late".. WIN LIAO.. Although we were late for our lesson but tp has a rule.. That there is a 15 mins grace period.. If there is a rule, we follow the rule.. Ah bo they set those rule for wat?.. Bai Swee arhz? Today HCI is all about presentation.. I dunno y maybe i am bias.. I feel that.. Whenever i ask a question, he has a xl aura..
And as usual.. nth much happen in WAD..
still feeling abit.. disappointed
Unscandalous - Gabby
10:28 PM
Am sick today. Shall post something which I think is quite reflective of human nature in the coming days after I recover.
Scandalous- Sick Delvetures
Sunday, November 4, 2007
10:52 PM
Seems to me like I am not the only one emo-ing in this blog. Heh. That's an evil consolation, I know, but still, it is better than having to emo and brood over such stuffs alone.
I guess all those readers out there might have notice that I have been writing emo posts for the past few days. In case you guys think that I am insane (because I am emo-ing over the development of feelings for someone), I must clarify that you guys are gravely mistaken.
The reason behind my lousy feelings is because of the fact that I think that I am pretty useless when it comes to affairs of the heart. Although reluctantly, I would throw in the flag when it comes to confession of feelings. I don't know why I am like this. Whenever I see others brimming with confidence and professing their affection for somebody else, I really envy them. For their courage, for their confidence, and for their passion. I wish I could be more like them.
You are the only consolation I have in this night of downpour.
On a different subject altogether, my dreadful MST kicks-off tomorrow. Leading the front-line will be the MS Access and Management and Organisational Behaviour papers. Wheets. Good luck to all taking tests or examinations tomorrow. (That includes our dear Zhihao, who has not wrote for us yet) =X
Scandalous- Delvetures
8:40 PM
Disappointment.. Utter disappointment.. Wish i could be more like him in that aspect
Unscandalous - Gabby
1:58 PM
HIHI!.. Before i forget(although i have imba memory).. Im here to post 1 of my imba theory..
This is going to be short.. Im here to enlighten everyone.. Im going to explain the true meaning of fear.. As we all know.. There is fear in everyone.. Be it heights, cats, dogs, or even me.. Fear exists without a doubt.. BUT.. As creatures with high intellect.. We must learn to overcome Fear.. Overcoming Fear is the true meaning of Fear.. U may ask y the true meaning of Fear is to overcome it.. Answer shall be revealed below..
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F.E.A.R - For Everything At Risk
Thx.. Save ur applauses.. I will feel shy.. *Blush*
Unscandalous - Gabby
5:45 AM
Its 5.45 am in the morning and im still AWAKE.. Feeling hungry and tired now.. Tml got a soccer game.. Think.. No energy to play sia.. Den still need to edit the HCI ppt.. ARGHH.. Should have done it ystd.. So tml can relax and slack.. OK.. Done blogging.. TIME TO ORH ORH.. ^_^
Unscandalous - Gabby
2:59 AM
3:00 am..
SIAN + BORED + BO LIAO + NTH TO DO + EVERYTHING ELSE THAT RELATES TO BOREDOM + WANT TO WHACK PPL
Unscandalous - Gabby
2:01 AM
This post is for avid reader(s) only, cause him/she/they won't scold me for posting something so short. =)
Heh. Stayed at home today and completed the revision of one of the modules, Management and Organisational Behaviour. Not efficient though, as I took like 5 hours to finally finish 3 chapters of it. =X
At around 7pm, went to have dinner with Gabby. After which, went to his house to watch Arsenal-Man Utd match. Since he already did the review of the match, I shan't go into the details.
Came back and had a game of DotA. Lost pretty badly and mistakes were abandon on our sides. I guess we still have a long way to go before we can reach the "above-average" standard. Sighh.
It's not an infautation. I know it. The way I am keeping it within myself is akin to holding my breathe for as long as time permits. I don't know when I am going down. I am drowning. Save me.
Scandalous- Delvetures
Saturday, November 3, 2007
10:48 PM
yet another exciting match revolving around emirates.. Arsenal vs Man UTD.. Final score was 2-2.. I feel that this score is a very fair result as both teams were on par.. Man UTD took the first blood by scoring at the 45th mins.. Was an own goal by william gallas.. By now, i was feeling sian 1/2..
But onli mins after the 2nd half started, arsenal had equalise.. BY WHO?. fabreSOLID's and fabreLIQUID's younger brother.. fabreGAS... the star of arsenal.. IMMEDIATE REACTION - SONG LA..
Everything was peaceful until the 82nd min.. Sudden great magic by saha.. A very nice pass under the legs of toure.. Saha's legs led the ball to evra and den a low pass to the center of the penalty area.. It was ronaldo.. and.. sure enough.. 1-2.. When a team scores a winning goal at the 82nd min, the morale of the other was sure to drop.. My feelings were similar -- =(
Well, i was tinking that all was lost for Arsenal as it was so late into the game and their opponents were last season's champion - Man UTD.. But den.. One attack made my day.. It was a series of shots and players like VDS and ferdinanad block it.. Until William Gallas made a shot.. It was a goal.. Although VDS made an attempt to bring the ball out, he failed to bring the line out as well.. The ball has gone over the line and.. IT WAS A GOAL.. DRAMATIC AND LATE EQUALISER.. Thus, the final score is 2-2..
I feel that Man UTD has 2 players that have potential to be a hollywood actor-- Anderson and Evra.. Good luck with their acting career..
P.S. I think, she has shit on her face.. =X
Unscandalous - Gabby
9:46 PM
ARSENAL 0 -MAN UTD 1
nice acting by anderson.. if i were to film a movie i am sure to hire him as leading actor.. ^^
Unscandalous - Gabby
1:26 AM
WOOTZ.. MR PINGUINO is older by 1 yrs old.. But he is still as lame and childish as ever.. However, everyone of us likes his jiao personality.. So, its cool that he is STILL lame and childish.. ^_^
today's lesson was boring.. but who cares.. today's focus is on pinguino.. although his actual birthday is on the 3rd, we celebrated on the 2nd..
jitao skip to the part where we went to marina.. kenny act 1 good guy go buy winning eleven for us, but actually he go meet his friend.. So, me, alaric, kevin and kc went to marina and walk walk first, den walk to suntec and back to marina again.. Den we sit at starbucks to wait for 2 person.. Waited from ard 4.45.. Kenny arrived at 5.15 like tat.. We talk a lot of jiao wei.. GOSSIPING ROX LA.. Den someone, although nt the star of the day, made 5 of us wait for 3 hrs i tink.. Because of her LAPTOP.. lalalalalala.. OK.. We went for dinner at 8 and it was full hse in jack's place.. shall skip the details and jump to the point where we shift our 6 butts to Fins. All of us ate fish and chips.. The 5 of them sibei poser la.. Den as usual, alaric was the slowest.. DEN WE GO HOME..
HOPE KC REALLI LIKE THE BAG LA.. YH CHOOSE 1.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ^_^
Unscandalous - Gabby
Friday, November 2, 2007
10:01 PM
Picture of the bear I built in Build-a-Bear. Only 1 though. Heh. Cute isn't it?
Scandalous- Delvetures
10:01 AM
I am not one who knows how to express my feelings.
I don't know the reason behind the feelings. Perhaps, it is because you were the first one who ever held my hand that tightly, from where the warmth and sincerity of it reached my heart and caused it to melt.
Perhaps, it is because you were the first one who opened me up and caused me to change. You taught me how to make my thoughts known, taught me how to express myself and send simple yet sincere wishes to other people.
Perhaps, it is because you were the first one whom I ever had such close contact with before. You are the first girl whom I can really talk to and make me drop the pretence that I always put up when I am with other girls.
So many words, yet so little courage. It reminds me of a song by Jay Chou, <<开不了口>>. The lyrics is a good reflection of what I am feeling right now.
I know that in life, one has to seize the opportunity that comes along for there will not be a second try. I don't know when I am going to lose it, with all my hesistation and procrastination.
I don't know when was it that I started to conceive such feelings. I reckon it must be a friendship that has caught fire.
I like you.
Scandalous- Delvetures
1:11 AM
Shag day for me.
Stayed at home today and did seemingly impossible-to-complete tasks. Nothing much to talk about me today, so I shall write about an inspiration I got from a friend of mine. =)
Are girls more possessive in nature from guys?
Well, for me, I think that guys are more possessive in nature. Generally speaking, guys tend to be more protective of stuffs that belong to them. They won't allow anyone to take it away from them without their knowledge and will react with drastic actions should such occurrence happens.
Girls, on the other hand, though less possessive than guys, are more susceptible to developing a sense of protection for stuffs that they do not possess. I am, of course, referring to things that the particular girl has set her sight upon. As girls are more sensititive, their reactions to minor things involving their "wants" or "desires" can sometimes blow things out of proportion.
A very good way to illustrate my point would be to use a B-G relationship. Once the guy becomes the boyfriend, chances are that he will show a tighter reign of control over his partner. He will also become jealous easily if his partner contact other guys frequently. This could be attributed to the lack of trust in their relationship or just the self-esteem, each of which I am in no position to comment about.
In contrast, a girl is more laxed when she knows that her boyfriend is keeping contact with another girl. Of course, the contact between them must not be too misleading in the first place (Eg. Holding the hands of the girl). However, despite that, once girls take a liking for the things they want (Referring to things that have not become part of their possessions), they would not want anybody to be involved with it. Anybody who does so will cause that person to be at the receiving end of hostile treatment.
Alright, shall stop here. Good night readers.
Scandalous- Delvetures
Thursday, November 1, 2007
11:16 PM
Is kan sian la.. waiting for a turbine to online so that we can dota.. under the circumstance of the surroundings.. i was forced to blog.. was recalling some of my IMBA theories but i somehow forgotten all of them.. My imba memory is failing me..
NVM.. when i remembered some of my theories den i shall post again.. for now.. it shall be the discussion of the show -- Attack of the Tyrant part III
Well.. i was tinking.. who will be casting for this particular show.. I was asking kenny.. will this show air?.. he say confirm air.. thus im here tinking about the crew.. kenny says he want to be the director.. den i was hoping to be the audience la.. thus.. using my imba brain.. i finally speculate who will be the actors.. the actors will be kevin's grp.. My 6th sense is quite zhun(i tink).. MUAHAHAHAHAHA.. ^_^..
Unscandalous - Gabby
ps --- just when i finished this post the turbine online.. =D
3:07 AM
OK.. After seeing my friend's blog, i remembered. The Attack of the Tyrant part II has happened this morning. MUAHAHAHAHAH.
Well, on monday, it was my group.. The tyrant's most memorable speech: IM PISSED OFF.. This was part I. TODAY, it was kaye's grp.. Part II was: I am quite disappointed with this group.. This is a grp of 6 and you guys are getting nowhere(This may not be exactly what he says but.. quoted from kc.. the idea is there)
So.. Im speculating.. will next monday air The Attack of the Tyrant part III? Will the tyrant continue his demoralising techniques? WILL ANY SUPERHERO COME OUT TO STOP HIM? Stay tuned to THE ATTACK OF THE TYRANT PART III(may or may not air) next monday..
Unscandalous -Gabby
2:45 AM
Did IDEAS today.
The shops we chose are based on a "couple" theme. As the name suggests, we need girls and in the end, we approached the group of girls which is on better terms with us to assist us on our project findings (my group consists of guys only).
First stop: Build-a-Bear, Vivocity
Wheets! This is freaking funny. I was the one to play the male lead role in this particular "scene" after being chosen as the odd-one-out in the "Open Numbers" game. So yea, I was suppose to act as the male partner of a girl (nominated by the group of females). To everyone's amusement and for their entertainment, I proceeded to hold her hands and walk into the shop, and pretended to be her boyfriend for the next hour or so that we spent in the shop.
Building a bear is fun and it is really enjoyable. I daresay that if I have the cash, I will go there and build a bear everyday. *Lol* So after stuffing the bear, we went on to get the clothing and accessories of the bear. Readers, beware, funny part coming...
Me, holding up a pair of panties and not knowing it: "Hey this is the headress right?" *Proceed to put the panties onto the head of the bear*
My partner: *Laughing till she got stomach cramp.*
Because of the sheer cost of the panties, we decided not to buy it for the bear. However, the bear is wearing a black mini-skirt and as my partner carried it in her arms...
Me: "Hey, the bear *zao geng liao*."
My partner: *Laugh till squat on the floor.*
So after buying all the accessories and clothing for our bear, we went to make the Certificate of Birth for it. (Which means anyone who destroy my bear will be charged in court for Murder offence.) After which, we went to pay for it at the counter.
The counter noticed that our bear has no panty on and said: " You want to get a pair of panty for your bear?"
Me, though a bit stunned, professionally look at my partner.
My partner: *Almost faint from laughing*
2nd Stop: Swanvoroski, Raffles City
Nothing much happened at this stop. We went on to have our dinner after completing the station and suprise suprise, we stayed on to gossip about the affairs that happened or are happening in our class currently.
That's all for today. Stay tune for more posts! (Pardon me for quite a sloppy entry, ain't really in a right mood to blog now.) =(
Scandalous- Delvetures