Scandalous People; Shameless Acts

~~Friday, November 9, 2007~~

7:14 PM

I have learnt to accept that there are a lot of things that are beyond our control in this world. Our parents for one, the environment that we live in, our feelings, ... blah blah blah, you name it, the list goes on.

However much I wish that I can look at things optimistically, the events in my life, one after another, have been proving to me otherwise. Although I am able to recover and stand on my feet again and again, I wonder how long more I can hold on. I know that every obstacles pose as a challenge, and after every challenge, I will be stronger than before. But, what if the challenges become wilder and more difficult as well? It's like playing a role-playing game. The more beasts you beat, the higher your experience point and thus, your level. But as you continue your journey, the beasts and quests become more difficult and sometimes, can be beyond what your character is capable of handling.

I have no idea what is happening to me as well. I used to embrace challenges as I see them as opportunities to prove and improve myself. But, when feelings become a challenge, ...

I am especially weak when it comes to managing matters of my heart. Has anyone of you out there ever felt a sourness so strong that it engulfs your entire mind, keeps you awake in the night and causes you to lose concentration in whatever task you are doing? It also makes you seem so fragile, such that you have absolutely no control over your tears and at the very next moment, you could be laughing at a stupid joke but crying at the same time?

This feeling is beyond what words could describe.

You said that you hope everything could be the same as before. I understand that. I also hope that there would not be any changes in the way we interact. But who are we lying to? I can only promise that I will try to contain the number of changes that are going to take place to as minimum as it could be. There will be long pauses in the conversations. That will be the time when I am thinking about you. I do not blame anyone for this. I like you, that is a fact. Even though the feeling is not reciprocated, it will not cease to exist as well. That's me.

Scandalous- Delvetures